praying for a successful pregnancy..

I remember when I was pregnant with fu, other than experiencing some physical discomfort especially bloatedness at night when I can beat my stomach like a drum and heightened sense of smell such that I chased ky to shower in the common toilet since his facial wash stunk to me.. yucks.. that pregnancy was a breeze. I was largely unaffected (or maybe I have long forgotten) by any pregnancy symptoms. Is it cos I'm younger then? Or is it my mentality playing the trick? I was generally very happy and still feel the sense of pride when I continued with ironing throughout pregnancy and vacuuming and mopping until like week 28? I always felt fu's cheerfulness is somehow related to my happiness during my pregnancy. :-)

When I had Angel, I felt ok too. I still remember the nights when I'll lay on the sofa, enjoying Gold 90.5FM while chatting with dirty yee yee on my first PDA phone while feeling the movements of Angel... When my waterbag burst prematurely in week 21, I was shocked and devastated..

A friend asked me how my pregnancies were and told me she's feeling really nauseous in her current pregnancy, so different from her first. I told her both were fine. She was envious with my lack of symptoms but I told her, "I'd rather have a difficult but successful pregnancy but an easy one that is not".

Having gone through a failed pregnancy, I dare not take anything for granted. I started to worry when my home pregnancy indicator lines (I tested it thrice!) were very very faint. I made an appointment with Dr Kowa and told him that the lines are very faint and he told me there could be 2 possibilities:

1) Etopic pregnancy or

2) Very early pregnancy

He first did an ultra scan and couldn't find the gestational sac. I don't remember being more nervous than then. He told me that since I have a retroverted uterus, sometimes the ultra scan will be unable to detect the sac. So he went on to do a vaginal scan instead. To our relief, he
spotted one tiny little spot. He confirmed that I ampregnant in the uterus! :)

Shortly after confirming my pregnancy, fu fell ill and had to be hospitalized for gastroenteritis. I was amazed that I was able to physically withstand the stress during that period. However, I fell really sick the moment fu got discharged. The doctor explained that the human body works in an amazing way to withstand stress and once the stress is over the body relaxes its defense system. When I was sick, I was worried about my little one. I surfed the net about "low hcg" knowing that test kits measure hcg levels. I found out that other than etopic pregnancy and early pregnancy, there could be a third reason for low hcg levels, blighted ovum.

If you've read about blighted ovum, you'll know that nothing can be done if it happens. It means that the egg was fertilised but is unable to develop properly and it only develops into an empty sac without fetus. The diagnosis of it will be when heartbeat cannot be detected in week 8 of pregnancy. At that time, I was not feeling much pregnancy symptoms and of course worried that it could possibly be a blighted ovum. It was a really long wait to week 8 and boy am I so relieved again when Dr Kowa placed the "scanner" on top of me and I could hear the heartbeats.

My last gynae's appointment was two days ago. Our little one is looking more like a little baby now. It was sleeping comfortably with a steady heartbeat during the last scan. Due to my PROM (Premature Rupture of Membrane), I will have to undergo a surgical procedure called cerclage, i.e. stitch at the cervix) in week 16. That'll be in very late May or very early June, after the results of triple test. I will have to be hospitalised for one night and be given 1 week of Medical leave. I guess it's inevitable that I'll feel worried till the day I have my cerclage on.

I hope the temperament of my little one will not be too affected by my constant worrying. I promise I will make myself feel extra happy when I get myself stitched up to make up for the first 16 weeks of fear. I guess this task will be made easier with the help of my cheerful little fu.. your big gorgor.. and of cos my ever thoughtful husband.. For now, right at the top of my wish list will definitely be for fu, ky and I to cuddle our latest rao on 14th Nov 2007..