Stand-off

It must had been the longest 30 min or so of my life.

For some unknown reasons, ting threw ky's handkerchief on the floor. I insisted that ting pick the handkerchief up before we retire for the night. Ting put up a huge fight. Refusing to give in to my instruction, wailing loudly while shaking her head profusely each time i asked her to pick the handkerchief up. At her 12.5 months corrected age, it was obvious she knew what I was asking her to do.

She rolled on the floor, screamed, cried, looked at me, cried somemore and shook her head repeatedly each time i pointed to the handkerchief. She even swung her hand in defiance when i tried to force her hand to pick the handkerchief up. Even her brother got curious and asked if it's ok that he helped her, seemingly a little worried for ting's long, loud cries. I tried to appear as firm and stern as I could but inside, her persistent and relentless crying was making me crumble, worried that it'll be too strenous for her heart. I was caught in between disciplining her and the worry that the persistent wailing will be too much for her heart (bearing in mind that her ASD might not had entirely closed) to endure. I found myself carrying her a few times, all these while, her cryings and refusals persisted. It was already 11pm and i was getting worried that her loud cries would disturb our neighbours.

I decided to close the bedroom windows, an attempt to contain the noise of her cries within the room. I left her rolling on the floor. Sensing that something seemed amiss, she opened her eyes (yes, she cried herself so tired that she was crying with eyes closed), sat up and looked at me with a pair of weary yet wary eyes. She seemed worried that i'd leave her in the room.

I walked back to her, stood at a position so that the handkerchief laid in between me and her. She finally relented. While crying and bowing her head, she picked the handkerchief up and held it tightly in her hand. It was a scene that was almost unbearable for me to watch.

I promptly picked her up from the floor, "yes, that's all you had to do." Sensing that the standoff was over, ting's cries immediately stopped and i, mustered my last ounce of strength, heaved a huge sigh of relief, one that came deep within my aching heart.